..:Thoughts:..Thursday, December 25, 2008

Nothing ever prepared me for the overwhelming love I have for my daughter. When I first cuddled that beautiful, soft, warm, sweet smelling girl in my arms, I knew I had fallen in love for the rest of my life. I also knew that, forevermore, I would live knowing fear, knowing worry, and knowing that my heart could be broken ... 

..Thoughts:.. Sunday, January 18, 2009

What can I say that people don’t already know? I'm 23, I have a beautiful daughter…I work hard and I play hard. I'm stubborn, I'm a bitch, but I'll do anything in the world to help someone I love. I wear my heart on my sleeve and there are many people in this world who take advantage of it. I'm strong willed and don’t give up on anything very easy, even if I am wrong… 
I thought I was lost for a while. But I'm here today standing and fighting, still… 
that’s what I am... I'm a fighter... I fight for what I love I fight for what I believe in. This is me this is who I am, you can love me or hate me the choice is yours to make...I'm a tomboy at heart, the girly girl just aint me. I will argue until the other person gives up, just so I can say I win. I can find any song to find how I’m feeling. I can go from 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds when it comes to my mood lol. This is me what can I say? I have learned a lot in these coming years, I've learned patience is a great virtue and it is something to master, I have learned without family you have nothing, friends come and go but family will always help you stand tall. I've learned that when you love someone you are taking a risk, you risk giving them everything you are and gaining nothing in return. I've learned the meaning of unconditional love; I've learned true friendship. Mind you I still have my short comings for I am, learning as I go, Right now I find myself making peace with the past, that have hurt in me, letting the pain slip away into an understanding of why things fall where they do. I look to my daughter for strength for she is my strongest will, a testament to what life can hold. 
I have loved and I have lost... but it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all....Love is a battlefield and I show my scars proudly…. 

..:Random Usless Thoughts:.. Thursday, February 26, 2009

I’m wondering what the purpose in life is all about? Is it making mistakes and just forgetting all about them or is it trying to find out who you really are. I’ve made my mistakes, who hasn’t? Sometimes I feel as I’ll never amount to anything at all... Then again I think I’m just looking for the person I truly am...wondering if it'll ever happen and if I will be happy...hmm

...:Finally 16 Months & 8 Days Later:...Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dear _ _ _ _ _ _, 
you have always made me wonder what I ever seen in you, apparently it was something that I should have just avoided kind of like when we dated in high school and I thought you cheated on me...what was I thinking with you? You said you loved me and missed me and wanted to be with me but all of a sudden you change your mind and end it...in my books that doesn't make you any better than any of the others, I can't believe I actually told you I loved you, what a mistake that was. Now all I’m doing is sitting here feeling sorry for myself cause I feel like I can't love another person cause you were a fucking moron and played with my emotions! Fuck you buddy you ruined everything I hope I never see you again, but sadly I know I’ll see you again, I always have to now. If I do you're going to get what's meant for you...Karma is a bitch, stuff always comes back to bite you in the ass. Love is too overrated anyways so why should I show it at all, except to those who actually love me in return? They never left when the going got tough, it’s to bad that you did. 

Sincerely, 
The one who believed everything you said 

Dreams Saturday, March 7, 2009

Is it possible to dream of something so much that the dream itself is completely lost to the point of being a mear thought of the past? The dream was once something you held so close in your heart and mind. Then you just gave up because there was a wall(s) blocking the full dream. You just let the dream go so that's all it was...a dream that could never come true.

..:You Think:..Saturday, March 14, 2009

There is a lot of emotions built up inside this girl. And when she cries it floods the whole world. You think you know everything about her, But You don't. You haven't heard the half of it. She Never spoke a word. Things she would never say, Just to put it in your face, Because you can't help no matter what you think. It's out of your hands, And it went down the sink. She thought she could Handle everything at once, She thought she was strong. But it turns out she was totally wrong. We all make Mistakes. Only some are forgive, But in her heart She wonders if there is a true heaven. Where everyone Is perfect and nothing goes wrong. Because in this world Nothing is perfect. Nothing is ever strong...

..:The Love Of My Life:..Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The first moment I looked in to you eyes and help you in my arms 
I broke down. It was the greatest feeling in the world and I didn't believe 
I deserved any of it. Your first smile, first giggle, first roll sweetie I 
was there for it all and I promise you I will never leave you! You are 
my princess, my world, my everything. We have gone through so much 
already sweetie, we've seen people leave and we've also seen people 
come back in to our lives. You are like an angel that came in to my 
world and headed me in the path I am supposed to take. You made 
me realize that all this hurt is worth it because the only thing I have 
to do to cheer me up is look at you and see your smile and no that 
everything I do is for you and if I am hurting your hurting as well and 
I will do anything for you. I am so happy I was blessed with such 
a beautiful baby and I don’t ever want you to grow up and leave me!