February 26th, 2013

"Failure is the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, & may be viewed as the opposite of success."

As of recently I've been doing a ton of reflecting of everything going on in my life, more so the last 7 months of my life. In the last 7 months there's been a ton of changes going on in my life. I myself as a person have changed, as have many things around me. Things from my relationship status to my outlook on simple things. 

I'm not a negative person normally, but I like anyone else have my moments...

7 months ago - It's the end of July & we just returned from an amazing conference where I got to meet so many amazing wonderful people & learn so much. I finally went to a conference for Angelman Syndrome. There was so many highs & lows about that conference, so many eye opening experiences! I felt like I was finally on the road to learning many things about my daughters future, what to except & how to (somewhat) handle different things. There was many surprises that took place that week. I'll never forget it.

When we got home we were tired & both cranky. As the night went on things started to go "bad". Lack of sleep & being together for to long was getting to us. By 1am things started to get "scary", little did I know an hour later everything was about to change. I'm going to skip apart of my story here. At 3am I made a call to my Dad..A call that scared everyone at first. It's 3 in the morning & a phone call comes in. I had my Dad come pick me up...

I was on the first step to "changing". It took me a couple days but I slowly started to go back to that place & get my things. Months later as I look back to that morning, I realized I did the right thing for McKayla, & for me.

Jump forward to today Febuary 26th, 2013 - Things have gotten better with each day, I am still starting over & jumping obsticals, but they are very worth it. There's days like today that I just want to scream like a 2 year old, but I know that isn't going to help me one bit.

The phone calls, emails & being on hold are starting to get to me. I feel like I am currently failing, BUT I know I'm very far from failure. We all have bad days, & today is mine. 

I was ready to start crying earlier, I was just so frustrated. Being on hold for almost a hr, then being told that there's nothing they can do to help...I was ready to cry. It gets frustrating trying to do the right things, & getting no where. 

Well McKayla walked over to me (a whole 35 steps solo) & pushed me down & layed on me hugging me. Needless to say the tears that came weren't from frustration, but from love. Tears knowing that my daughter could feel my frustration & she was hugging me better. Is there a better feeling then that?! I don't think that there is.

In those 7 months - Life has been extremely busy during these last 7 months, there's been a lot of growing going on. I can proudly say I am not the person I was then. It has taken me a very long time to get this far, but with a lot of hard work, sweat & tears I've made a ton of positive changes. Looking back I wouldn't change any of it for the world, for if I did then I wouldn't be where I am right now.

No I'm not 100% happy, but I am happy enough with room for change. Nothing in this world is perfect & change can always be a good thing. Keep a open mind & look forward, don't look back. Things are behind you because they are part of the past. The things infront of us are apart of the future. Look forward to the future because things from the past have allowed things in the future to happen.

Just because some bad things have happened in your life, doesn't mean that life is full of negatives. You need to look forward, move on & be open to new things. I've found a lot of positives during these last 7 months, some of them have come because of the negatives, others just come as they are. I've learned to look at life, people, everything really in a new light. Things aren't always as they seem..It's kind of like "Never judge a book by it's cover, you never know what great story is inside"...

....With that being said, here's to a new chapter, a new journey, a new year & some old memories that are making me who I am. Thank you to the few that have been there for me through it all. You'll never know how much it means to me.... 

~*Live*Laugh*Learn*~

"Positivity - The degree to which something is positive"

(The skipped part of the story - I phoned him at 230am, asked him where he was. He said he was at a friends garage drinking beer. I asked him to come home cause I was locked out. He came back just before 3am, was beyond drunk. I called the cops on him. He threatened me. I scared him a little with the cop deal. I finally got him into the house. We started to argue. I was almost in tears. It was then that I finally "Broke". I said "I can't take this anymore, your nothing but a fucking drunk...we are done". He laughed & said that's okay. I went into our bedroom & started packing. I called my dad...My dad came and got me.

3 days later I called him & tried to talk, he said "we need a break", I said "sure"...A week later I went back & got the rest of my stuff. It was *Then* everything started to really change.)