Last couple years(Aug 13th, 2009) I have felt down. I have most symptoms of depression, but it's not depression, maybe....I don't think I'm depressed because things don't look so grey all the time. I can still enjoy pleasures of life and everything, but inside I'm just blah. And also I can admit I am not depressed. I'm just dead.... but not all the time. I feel feelings of love towards my family, and my other half, but it's not enough. I don't receive the same feelings I give out.
My life isn't terrible & I'm still discovering where I'm headed. I don't have a set plan for the future and that scares me also... I cannot commit solidly to one thing. I do lots of things half way, because I'm afraid if I go too far, & I don't feel it is my calling, I have wasted a big part of my life....searching for something I am unsure of. I am a writer & have extreme ups and downs with writing & creativity. I am also procrastinating more than I have ever before & I get lost in day dreams...
I know this isn't all in my head, and I rarely show how I am. Sometimes I even think maybe I'm making all this up and that I'm just trying to create self drama. Which I'm positive I'm not doing, but maybe subconsciously. Not sure. I'm also not sleeping...
I have been looking for signs & looking for hints from the universe. I pick up piece of paper off the ground searching for clues. I need to find myself & who I am. Feels like I don't exist....
I am searching for myself. I have yet to find me.I know what I am looking for...I know some of things that I am. But I still don't know for sure yet. I know what I want to be "WHEN I GROW UP" but....I AM grown up...and I still haven't found myself really. I don't know really what I am looking for either. I know the REAL me is in there somewhere, but I am searching still. I'm LOST inside. I want people to see and know the REAL me...
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